We've got a castle, a prince... now just to find the princess. So here we go, another season of The Bachelor. I can't tell you exactly what it is about this show that draws me to it everytime... but I just can't seem to tear my eyes away. Sure, I tune in to see what drama develops, and to be witness to a girl or two making a fool of herself or admitting crazy personal stuff on TV. But as sappy as it sounds, I tune in as well to see if maybe, possibly, two people might actually find each other and fall in love, despite this crazy social experiment of a setting that they are thrown into. So, we've all heard our Bachelor is a honest-to-goodness certified prince this time around. Does it make a difference? I'm sure it flavors all of the girls expectations the first time or two they meet him. But after that, if it's still making a difference... then the girls are paying attention to the wrong thing. It's got to be the guy, and not the title, that they fall for. There's been so much coverage of this guy, we won't rehash his whole history and lineage here. But one thing that makes me curious... if his biggest problem in finding a girl has been finding someone that is genuinely into him, and not into how much money he makes and his whole family history... why in heaven's name did he go about finding love on national TV, after being introduced as an Italian prince? Wouldn't this have been better as a Joe Millionaire in reverse? He could have pretended to be some accountant from Ohio, and found out if girls liked him for him. And then, when it was time for the whole "meet the folks" part of the process, then he could have filled them in on the true story. Oh well, ABC's not exactly calling me up asking for my development ideas. But still... that would have been interesting to watch. Anyway, I'm not sure how anyone can sort through 25 potential mates in a single evening... especially since half of them get tipsy, and the other half are constantly trying to steal you away and keep you from talking to anyone for any length of time. But let's go over some of the highlights of the evening, shall we? First of all, we have to start with the introduction of Erica before any of the bachelorettes even got to Rome. There she is, opening the door, all surprised and pleased that she has been chosen for the show. And then her crazy mother comes running in from the other room… and just happens to be dressed in a red cocktail dress and diamonds? Is that how she normally lounges around the house? Then we hear Erica, the socialite, telling us how she wasn’t at all surprised, because she thought she was the perfect fit for this particular bachelor. We know right away that she is going to be around for a while, because she is just too irritating for the show to go on without her. We then get to see her pack... or see her direct her mother and housekeeper to pack for her. She deliberates about taking a fur… but her mummy finally encouraging her not to, “because of all of those animal rights activists”. Uh, ladies… you obviously weren’t concerned about them when you bought the fur. Anyway, she decides against the fur, but does bring her two enormous breasts with her… obviously a gift from mom. Now, fast forward to the parade of limos. There were a couple of ladies that stood out right away. Jeanette was one. She didn’t take herself too seriously, and they had easy conversation and lots of laughter between them right away. It wasn’t chemistry exactly, but comfort… they seemed to hit it off even in that first few minutes of introduction I thought Claudia was stunning, and they had a spark of chemistry. This girl was gorgeous, and had these beautiful dark eyes and a big stunning smile. She was one of my favorites right off. Poor Rosella. I was pulling for her, but instantly you could see that she thought her Italian background was going to be this bond between him. She announced, “Finally your princess has arrived!” in Italian, only for him to look at her uncomfortably because he didn’t now what the hell she just said. Yeah… this guy can barely say tortellini. But I was still rooting for her, hoping the magic would happen! Okay, a big first impression in a BAD way was Meri. She had these big ol’ teeth, and kept tossing her hair around. She looked like she was channeling some horse energy or something. She was just too enthusiastic, and too loud… and just too much. Of course the biggest personality to come out of the limos was Desiree. She came out of the limo adjusting her dress, and had her flirt on right away. She was the first to give him a big hug, and was all about the touching and calling him “Baby”. And the phrase, “We’ll bubble it up”? I have no idea what that means, but I like it. I’m going to use it all day tomorrow. Oh, and there’s Erica again… in an ill-fitting dress and a tiara. Yeah, you think you’re princess material, we get it. She begins her sales pitch right away, about how much she thinks they have in common. She just bugs me. She reminds me of Nellie Olsen from Little House on the Prairie. Finally, I loved Sadie right away. She looked like a little princess, absolutely! You could have thrown that girl in a wedding dress and married them off right then and there. She was sweet, genuine, and just a total cutie. She’s one of my favorites too. After the limos had all pulled away, and Chris checked in with the new bachelor to make sure he wasn’t going to faint, bolt, or throw up… it was time for him to enter the “family estate” and get to know the ladies a little better. For whatever reason, the first person he talked to was Heather. She didn’t have a drink, and he wanted to make sure she got one. Don’t worry about her, Lorenzo, she’s going to have plenty to drink by the end of the night. Once all the ladies had a drink in their hands, he gave them all a welcoming toast. That was the last quiet moment he had, because as soon as the clinking of glasses was complete, it was a free-for-all to see who could grab the Bachelor’s attention and plant the seeds of lust or affection in the poor man’s overwhelmed head. Now let’s take a moment to give some thoughts on this guy so far. He seems to be a nice enough fellow… but not completely at ease with himself. He tried to deliver a couple cute/funny responses to various questions from both Chris and some of the ladies… but he didn’t have the confidence to quite pull them off so they fell flat. I can’t blame him for being nervous. He has 25 ladies that he’s never met completely convinced that he is the man of their dreams. It’s hard to do anything but NOT meet expectations in a situation like that. Plus he’s got a camera in his face, recording everything he does or says so it can be broadcast on national TV. I don’t envy him. I’m happy to watch him squirm from the comfort of my own home… but I have no interest in trading places with him or any of the ladies pursing him. What I want to know, which these shows never tell us, is why is this guy single? Why has he been in a series of long-term relationships, and yet all of them ended? Early in the show, his mom was kind of cautious when she spoke about him. She said, “He’s going to be a good husband when he finds the right person.” But she said it in a way that made me think that maybe he wasn’t a prince of a guy in some of his previous relationships when it wasn’t the “right girl”. A mom is never going to say a bad thing about her boy, especially to a TV camera… but am I the only one that got a hint that he maybe didn’t quite put the energy/commitment into his previous relationships, and was to blame for their downfall? How I got all that out of a little 25-second blurb from his mom, I don’t know. But that’s my gut feeling, and it’s my blog… so there you go. So anyway… back to the drinking, flirting, and scowling castle-full of hopeful ladies. There is always so much chaos in this first show, it’s hard to keep up. Even though they had all night this time (which I think was a brilliant idea), I still can’t place all the faces and comments to the right names. But here’s some of the activities that got my attention: The first good connection was his sit-down with Jami. She had the smarts to talk to him like a guy, instead of a prince. Remember girls… “Prince” is what he is, not who he is. Jami started talking to him about music, and what he liked. They trade comments on various classic rock bands and musicians… and then suddenly bond over Bon Jovi of all things when they both mention they had just gone to see one of their concerts. This might have seemed small, but this obviously opened a connection with these two because Jami was standing there at the end of the night with a rose in her hand. Erica is going to get a lot of camera time this season, because she just says the most insulting and arrogant things ever. In her first conversation with Lorenzo, he was thanking all of the girls for coming all the way to Rome to meet him. Erica, trying to draw all the attention to her says smugly, “Yeah, I flew coach for you, which I’ve never done.” Uhhh… this is supposed to impress him? This was your big sacrifice? How about you to talk to Roselle, who sold her car just to be able to buy a couple gowns to wear… AND THEN DIDN’T EVEN GET A ROSE. Stupid Erica. Go fix your tiara or something. Jennifer, the cute bubbly teacher from Florida, sits down with him for some one-on-one time. She’s just a doll. She is so cute and complimentary towards him, but very genuine and interested. They have an animated little conversation together, him joking that she could help him with his reading skills. Yep, she secured herself a rose with that conversation. Suddenly, a butler comes in with a tray carrying a rose, and a pair of stunning 2-carat diamond earrings. It was the First Impression Rose, with a diamond chaser. The girls began hovering around it like a chocolate fondue fountain. It’s like a shot of electricity went through the room when that tray showed up, and everyone suddenly begins to increase their efforts two-fold. Desiree decides it is time to make her move, and she goes hunting for the prince. She non-apologetically steals him away from the middle of a conversation with two other ladies. (I Don’t remember their names, they didn’t get roses, this was the end of their story). Desiree grabs him by the arm and leads him outside to the courtyard. She sits down THIS CLOSE to him on a little bench outside. She starts talking like Austin Powers, punctuating every sentence with “Baby”. “You’re extremely handsome, Baby. “ “ I went shopping in Viva Las Vegas, Baby!” “You want me to shake it for you, Baby?” I swear, I am expecting Doctor Evil to show up. Of course, even with the “Baby”, Price Lorenzo decides to take Desiree up on her “shake it for you” offer. Without missing a beat, she is up on her feet, and giving him a little flirty showgirl dance. Now of course, every other girl in the house is now crowded around on the patio, overlooking the activities. They’re shocked, appalled… and angry with themselves because they didn’t think something like this first. Lorenzo, trying hard not to respond to such a primal, base-level, approach… at the same time can’t do anything by chuckle lustily to himself when asked about Desiree and her strong come-on. Of course he tells us that he doesn’t usually respond to someone that forward… but just this once, because she was so darn comfortable with him, he seems to like it. And it’s as if all the other women just faded away… Yep ladies, there’s another rose gone. Now it’s time to get to know Lisa. She tells us that she’s only 25, but she has her whole love life mapped out. She wants to be married by the time she’s 27, and she wants to be engaged for a year. So she has only ten months to find that guy and convince him to pop the question. Well, that’s lovely… good luck with that plan. She tries to put the plan in action by plopping down next to our Bachelor. Sadly, she’s obviously had a glass of wine or twelve, because her speech is a bit slurred and sloppy. She tells him how she’s just a normal girl, from Oregon… a tree-hugger incognito. Interesting. Maybe I’ll be that for Halloween. Our Bachelor is intrigued, and wants to know more about this tree-hugging. “Yeah,” Lisa says. “If it comes down to it, I’ll lick a slug, I’ll hug a tree…” Lorenzo chokes on his drink. You know he’s thinking, “Well… if she’s willing to put a slug in her mouth…” Suddenly, for some strange reason, our Bachelor has actually decided that they should go out to the courtyard and hug a tree. Lisa hops up, staggers… and then weaves outside. Silly Prince Lorenzo follows her. Lisa points to a tree that she thinks is ripe for a huggin’, “Yeah, that’s a hot tree”… and then immediately starts stumbling towards a different tree. Lorenzo directs her back towards the original tree they picked. Meanwhile, you got it… every other girl in the house is now crowded around on the patio, overlooking the activities. They’re shocked, appalled… and angry with themselves because they didn’t think something like this first. They finally make it to the lucky tree, and Lisa leans against it for balance. “Lorenzo, get on the tree with me.” It’s too late to back out now, Lorenzo… you better hug that tree. Awkwardly, he joins her… and with his arms around the tree, and her arms around the tree and him… they give it a good group hug. Lorenzo then tells us that he’s never hugged a tree before in his life, but in a weird way it felt kind of good. I think I’m beginning to understand why this guy was still single. Back inside, the women who are feeling neglected, are drowning their sorrows in champagne. Lots of champagne. Heather, who was without a drink at the beginning of the evening… has obviously found lots and lots of drinks since then. She’s on a couch, babbling and slurring… wondering where her prince has gone. The others are shocked, and yet tickled, that one of their competition is taking herself out of the race. Suddenly Heather is squealing and cheering some imperceptible blather over by the fireplace. We will see more of Heather later. Andrea has been staring at the rose and earrings, and decides she needs to do something bold to get the Bachelor’s attention. While he is down in the courtyard talking with Rita and Gina… she goes to the balcony above them and bursts into an operatic serenade. All the girls stop talking and stare at her. They assume, incorrectly, that she will stop soon. She doesn’t, and goes on singing. This is the first time we see Gina’s sour angry scowl. We will see that look a lot this evening. Rita decides to pretend it isn’t happening, and tries to pick up the conversation where they left off, before they were so rudely interrupted. Lorenzo doesn’t respond. Andrea finally finishes. All the girls clap and say how lovely it was, even though they all hate her and are angry at her for stealing the spotlight. Lorenzo stands up and claps, and thanks her warmly. Mentally, he realizes he can’t have a girlfriend that may break into song in the middle of a family event… and crosses Andrea off his list. Oh no… Heather has hunted down the Prince, and is stumbling beside him towards an empty bench in the courtyard. Lorenzo tries to initiate a conversation with her. She has a hard time holding her head straight and focusing her eyes. He asks a question… she gives a big sigh, a giggle, flips her hair around a bit, starts to answer the question… and then forgets what it is that they were talking about. This is literally repeated four or five times. Lorenzo is trying to be polite. Lorenzo wants to leave. Lorenzo has discovered all he needs to discover about Heather. Heather will not be getting a rose tonight. Heather had different take on things. Afterwards, she gives her impression of their alone time and is thrilled that it went so well. “I have an advantage… I’m older, I’m well educated, I am beautiful. I don’t want to sound conceited in that way, but I am. I am blessed with genetics, and things like that. There is nothing that any of them have over me, other than youth.” And sobriety, Heather. Don’t forget sobriety. Lorenzo is starting to look flustered and tired. Every time he turns around, there is another woman dragging him away, wanting special time to talk to him. This time, it’s Sarah. She corrals him in the courtyard and strongly encourages him to sit down with her. She starts babbling, and “Ooops!” a clearly Canadian “Eh” comes out to punctuate one of her sentences. He takes the bait. “Is that Canadian?” She looks at him coyly, “Did I say, ‘Eh’? Yes, I am from Canada.” But she has bigger issues to tackle. Sadly though, just as she’s about to get down to it… some other desperate bachelorette shows up and starts hovering around their conversation. She tries to steal, Sarah throws a block… “Wait, I just had one more question for him, and it was kind of an intimate question.” Hovering bachelorette backs off a bit. “I was just wondering, “ Sarah continues, “if you ever dated a black girl.” Hovering bachelorette mutters and walks away. His answer, “No, I haven’t, because I’ve always been in long-term relationships.” Uh, does that mean he would never consider a black girl for a long-term relationship? Hmmm… that’s what I’m getting out of it. Does Sarah pick up on that? Most likely, because suddenly she starts saying “Eh” all the time, and Lorenzo starts babbling more than usual. In other words, she’s insulted, and distracted as a result… but not saying so. And he is distracted because he knows he was just insulting, but not saying so. What would fix this situation? If Lorenzo gives Sarah a rose at the end of the evening! Yep, check off another one, girls… the roses are getting scarce. Next it’s sweet Sadie’s turn to steal some time. They chat a bit about where they’ve traveled, and places they’ve visited, as well as where they went to school. Sadie tells him she lives in California, and says, “I came a long way to meet you, I hope you’re worth it.” But it’s sweet and cute, and Lorenzo responds to it with a smile. Afterwards, Sadie tells us that she hopes to stay around because she really wants to get to know him better. She also tells us that she’s a good, innocent girl… and she’s saving herself for marriage. You know, I have nothing but respect for that… but I have to say it will probably work against her. Let’s see, there are 24 others (soon to be 26) that most likely aren’t saving themselves… and one that is. Unless that is way up there on the list of things that he’s looking for, the odds are probably stacked against her. Too bad. I really kind of like her. Oh well, the innocence will certainly be a stark contrast to some of the other personalities in the house, so regardless, Sadie’s presence will be entertaining for those of us watching at home. And who knows, maybe it won’t matter! Maybe. Suddenly, Chris is there… clinking his champagne glass and asking the ladies to join him in the courtyard. He announces that since they are in Rome, he thought they should give Lorenzo a chance to try a little of the local flavor… so they invited two additional Italian bachelorettes to join the party. Two stunning Italian women appear at the top of the stairs, and as they make their way down to the courtyard to meet Lorenzo, every other woman in the place glare at them and secretly swear. There is dark and beautiful Cosetta, and tall and gorgeous Agnese. Immediately Lorenzo, the good host that he is, goes over to greet the new ladies and make them feel welcome. He starts making small talk, asking what they do for work. Agnese is a student, but Cosetta is something entirely different. She announces that she is a dancer, and wants to dance for Lorenzo. Now… this girl may have been going for Beyonce, but she came across as complete Charo. She did the hoochy-coochy dance, and everyone’s eyes just about popped out of their heads in surprise. Once again, all the ladies are up on the balcony, overlooking the activities… and shocked and appalled. In this case however, no one is mad at themselves for not thinking of this first, because dear Cosetta just looked like a cheap stripper during her routine. Agnese even turned on her countrymate, telling us that she could not believe it… she thought it was a joke. Wow, I guess woman are catty all over the world! The original 25 bachelorettes are fit to be tied. They glare, pout, roll their eyes, and grumble about the wicked Italian women that are stealing time with their Prince. Gina’s sour angry scowl is back, burning holes in the back of the Italian girls’ heads. Tree-hugging Lisa and Tiara-wearing Erica have finally had enough, and they go over and break up the little international love-fest going on between Lorenzo and the Italian ladies. They claim they are “rescuing him” from boring women that don’t even speak English. He tells them, that actually they do speak English, and he didn’t feel like he was in need of a rescue. Lisa/Erica pay no attention, and then Erica asks casually if Lorenzo thinks it would be hard to have a relationship with someone that lives so far away. Uhhh… you mean like in Texas, Erica? The Italian ladies don’t take this sitting down, and in a matter of minutes “rescue” him back. Lorenzo seems happy, and tries to get to know Agnese better. However, the language barrier becomes a bit of a problem. He tries to ask her about hobbies. They somehow communicate that they both like to ski… then Lorenzo tries to enquire if she looks hot in her ski outfit. Does she wear a hat and mittens? She doesn’t understand. He starts asking what else she likes to do? Running…? Swimming…? Shooting guns? She doesn’t understand. Do you like to hunt people? Giraffes? WHAT??? Now I don’t understand. This girl probably does understand what he’s saying, but it’s such crazy talk she’s convinced she must be hearing it wrong. Does she like to hunt people??? Man… this prince is not great at small talk in English, but he just sucks at it in Italian. Well now that our bachelor has had the chance to get to know all of the ladies, even the two late arrivals, it is time to give someone the First Impression Rose and sparkly, sparkly earrings. He goes in to grab the rose from where it’s sitting… and all the ladies that happen to be in the room with the rose at the time are crestfallen when he walks past them and out of the room with it. The scene is repeated in the main room when he walks from one end to the other, passing women left and right, and all of them looking so disappointed when he doesn’t stop to give the rose to them. Gina scowls. Lorenzo makes his way out to the courtyard and finds Lisa. He takes her away and sits with her alone, and asks if she would accept the rose. Of COURSE she does! He tells her how much he enjoyed his time with her, and how hugging the tree was a highlight of the evening. Huh... well I’ll be. Never underestimate the power of drunken tree-hugging. Lisa glows after receiving the rose. The other girls are SO happy for her. They keep telling her so. Erica, not to be judgmental, can’t help but tell us that judging on a compatibility scale, Lisa and Lorenzo are not a good match. On a compatibility scale, SHE and Lorenzo are a good match. Natch. Gina pouts and scowls. A rooster crows, the day breaks… oh my gosh, it’s time for the Rose Ceremony! The girls are wrecked with stress, too much alcohol, too little sleep, and sore feet from standing around in heels all night. The fresh little daisies trudge out to the courtyard and begin eying the remaining 11 roses that are to be distributed among the remaining 26 women. Lorenzo gives the tired old speech… how difficult it is, how they are all wonderful, and that it is awful that he can’t give a rose to everyone. Yes, yes, we know… you’ll feel bad, don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, etc., etc. Look, every one of these women just got a free trip to Rome. Their week didn’t exactly suck. Go ahead, start tossing out roses. The first Rose goes to… Kim. Kim accepts, Heather tries to look happy for her and fails miserably. The next rose goes to…. Jeanette. Rosella’s face begins to fall, Gina’s scowl is back. Then… Jami. Jami lets out a sigh of relief, Cosetta looks uncomfortable. Gina’s scowl deepens. Next… Ellen. Rosella looks like she’s about to cry, Heather tries to smile again but it looks pained, Desiree looks pinched. And then… Sarah. Everyone smiles knowingly, because of course he had to choose the token, uh… Canadian. Oh wait, Gina isn’t smiling. Surprise! She’s still scowling. The next rose goes to… Desiree. She raises her hands in celebration, and says “Thank you, Baby!” Carissa looks pissed. And then… Jennifer. Rosella is gulping, trying to keep back tears. Next… Gina. Gina scowls. Oh wait, was that her name? Gina smiles, yet somehow gives off the air that she is still angry because she had to wait for the 8th rose. Agnese looks irritated. The next rose goes to… Erica. She dramatically clutches her chest, and then says, “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy! I was so nervous, you have no idea!” She grabs for the rose before he even presents it to her. I scowl. Sadie looks stunned. But not for long, because the next rose goes to… Sadie! She gives out a loud sigh, and smiles. Claudia looks terribly sad. Rita looks like she’s given up. Chris comes out to announce there is only one rose left. The girls all know this, because those without roses can’t tear their eyes away from the single rose remaining. The final rose goes to…. Agnese. The light fades from the eyes of all the girls left without a rose. They look hurt, confused, stunned, and defeated. It’s time for them to take a moment and say goodbye. There are hugs and tears. Most are sad… but only one is truly devastated: Rosella. She sacrificed so much, and was so convinced that this was her destiny. She tears up and cries. But not so for the girls standing around with roses. Soon there is more champagne, and another toast… as Lorenzo says, “There’s no place like Rome!” Tune in this season, where there will be…fireworks, helicopters, motorbikes, pillow fights, plane rides, grape crushing, pool parties, dancing, scowling, bitching, jaw dropping, crying, confusion, drama, hair pulling, yelling, screaming… and even lipstick writing on the mirrors. Oh my!!